Fear was a very big part of my life for a very long time. Fear of what you ask…haha anything and everything. Life, death, creation, destruction, pain, even health (because every good thing has to end) I was literally living in an eternal existence of collapse. I lived as though everything is scheduled to fall apart from my health to my child’s life, to the sky falling. I was one of those who held the sky up by their hands on a daily basis.

On my 50th birthday, everything fell apart. I had a breakdown so total and whole that I just wished death would come and end my misery. I wanted it all to be over. A book I wanted to publish was rejected, my son left for school, my creativity was escaping me, I started having strange aches all over my body and I was sure I am dying of some form of cancer. My anxiety levels hit the roof and I couldn’t function, I think I started being a bit agoraphobic since I couldn’t leave my house.

A good friend of mine who recovered from cancer and changed her life came to see me about a month after my birthday and was shocked to find me in a total dysfunction mode. It was so bad that my eye couldn’t stop jumping.

Then, my good friend told me a secret. She told me that when she realized she had cancer she decided to go to a mental therapy as well as the physical therapies. Having tried psychology for over a decade she was up for something new. Her agent told her about Carmen and what she did for him and urged her to try something new by giving her the first session as a gift, and so she went. Carmen was with her the entire time she was in in cancer treatments, she figured out the things that were creating a psychological and energetical blocks, she gave her things to practice to raise her awareness and change her perception and her thinking patterns in order to change her troublesome reality and was with her every step of the way.

I was shocked to hear this story because my friend was the type of strong person that never had an issue and always had a smile on her face. She had an amazing career, a beautiful family, a loving husband, great friends and she was beautiful. I had no idea that anything was wrong, and we spoke a couple of times a week. She would always take care of me and listen to my issues, I just had no idea. Seeing how shocked I was and how guilty I felt she asked me to stop beating myself up because that was part of her issue, the need to be constantly strong and be there for everyone else.

Why am I telling you her story? Because after 50 years of living my life in a very certain way, this was a

wake up call like no other and I needed it because I was at a point where I was just ready to give up and she gave me hope. So I went to see Carmen and she was everything my friend said she will be.  

I realized the ways I was blocking myself from the success I wanted to achieve and broke that repeating scenario by changing my patterns and by that changing the way I perceived the world which created a magnetizing effect to everything I didn’t want. For example, I thought that in my business everything works on nepotism and that I really have no real chance to succeed with the projects I wanted to push. Surprisingly (or NOT) that what would happen every time I had a project I wanted to do, someone’s son/daughter/nephew would get the funding instead of me. It was happening for such a long time that I couldn’t really see any other scenario happening. That was one of my biggest hurdles but using Carmen’s tools, I managed to break it. I couldn’t believe it, it was against all odds but it worked and I got the funding after that, I broke one pattern at a time, creating new ones and changing the life scenarios I thought were so untouchable.

I am a new person now. I have a new view of life and how liquid our reality really is and how a big sum of it depends on us, how we think, how we see things and the actions we take or don’t take. 

I now know how to be my own fucking guru. I am not afraid to see myself for who I am, for I know I have the power to change whatever I don’t like and that is the greatest and safest feeling in the world. The knowledge you can trust yourself to feel good, to create to love yourself and enjoy life is pure freedom.